A Forgotten Life Outtakes
by dark and light samurai
Summary: Just some funny ideas that popped into my head whilst writing the story 'A Forgotten Life', so, beacuse I'm having problems with writing the next chap of the story, heres something to fill the gap. Warning! A bit of character bashing
1. Chapter 1

**A Forgotten Life**

**Outtakes/Funny things that could have happened**

Authors Note: Ok, seeing as I'm now stuck for 'A Forgotten Life' I thought that I may as well put some funny ideas that I had thought of whilst writing the story, so please enjoy.

Disclaimer: No ownership of Final Fantasy, Squaresoft/Enix or any sort of related thing to big, rich companies here. I don't own things like that, so I'm not rich.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

"So, am I going to Spira?"

He (the fayth) replied with "Yes, you will journey with…"

"OH NO YOU WON'T! You are NOT going to some other world to fight giant ugly fish until ALL of your homework is done!" My mum had stormed in.

I frowned,"Um, mum, aren't you supposed to work till 8 tonight?"

"OH CRAP!" mum runs back to car and drives off to work, OVER the speed limit, police cars chasing after her.

"Sorry about that, she's not usually crazy like that...or telepathic" The fayth was still staring in shock; I waved my hand in front of his face, but no response.

"OH MY GOD! MY MUM SOMEHOW KILLED THE FAYTH…AGAIN!" (Seeing as they are already sort of dead)

* * *

He handed me the sphere and I started to look for a play button, but an image automatically appeared in my head. Image: It was kilika before it had gotten destroyed by Sin. Suddenly, Auron (Young) and Jecht appeared out of nowhere. It looked as if they were drunk, especially when they were singing badly. Braska walked into the cameras view "And these are supposed to be my guardians." Image ends. 

"Oops, wrong sphere." Fayth literally has sweat drop on head.

"Whoa! So Auron does get drunk and sings." Sounding very surprised at the legendary guardians drinking habits.

* * *

Me "Also, can I take sweats?" 

Fayth "No."

I was now furious, "What! Why! You will let me take sweats or else…"

Fayth "Or else what?" he grinned, thinking that I'm no threat to him.

I then take out an axe (which mysteriously appeared from somewhere), "HERE'S JOHNNY! Or should I say, HERE'S ABBIE!"

Fayth O.O falls to his knees as if begging…which he was, "Please don't! Take as many sweats as you want!"

I now had a big smile on my face, "And who said violence solved nothing…well, in some circumstances it doesn't, but with this…IT DOES!"

* * *

I went to the bathroom "Aaahhh! There's no toilet paper left!" 

Fayth "Well I can't help you with that, so I guess you're stuck there. Bye!"

Me "NOOOOO!"

* * *

After I had come back from the bathroom, I said "I'm ready now!" as I entered my room. But then noticed that the fayth is looking through my draws. "AAAHHHH! PERVERT FAYTH!" fayth turns around shocked and surprised. 

Fayth "AAHHH! RUN AWAY!" Fayth runs away/disappears.

Me "You better run!"

* * *

After I had come back from the bathroom, I said "I'm ready now!" as I entered my room. But the fayth had disappeared. "Hey! Where are you?" 

Fayth "You were too slow, so now you can't come to Spira."

Me "NOOOOOO! That's unfair!"

Fayth "Deal with it!"

Me "FINE! You'll just have to deal with Sin on your own then!"

Fayth "Um… actually you can come now… please?"

Me "ONLY because I want to go to Spira...and I'm not really that mean."

* * *

Yes, well, hope it was funny and not toorubbish. I hope you will please leave a review and not a flame, although I wouldn't mind mild flames, just no harsh ones, Ok n.n 

If you would like to, you can make some suggestions.

Well, chow!


	2. Chapter 2

Authors Note: Here are another lot of outtakes for the next chapter, so I hope you will laugh at it and if not…I don't mind. I thank Faery Ears for the review, even if it was to just call me crazy, which I don't mind.

Disclaimer: I have no ownership of Final Fantasy, Squaresoft/Enix or any type of company, T.V. show or anything like that.

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Woke up, noticing that I was in a field. "Hey, where am I?"

"Oh bother. Think, think, think."

'No, anywhere but here!' I turned around to see Winnie the pooh sitting on the ground, with all the other characters in the background.

"FAYTH! GET ME OUT OF HERE!" shouting towards the sky.

Fayth "Sorry about that. Got the coordinates wrong."

* * *

I did a quick scan of the area. Me1 '… need to go right then left to get there…' 

Me2 'What the hell. I'm not supposed to know this.'

Me1 'well you do now, so MOVE IT!'

Me2 'I don't think so.' Has a mental fight with my two selves. I end up killing myself.

* * *

I ran down the streets, noticing a figure on the edge of a building 'Guess that's Auron up there. Wait … HES GOING TO FALL OFF!' Auron falls off the edge for no reason and dies … again.

* * *

I got to the blitzball stadium but noticed that there was an odd tune playing. "What the fren! Whys the chocobo theme tune playing? I'm SOOO CONFUESED!"

* * *

Ironically, I was standing where Tidus was about to fall, I heard his screaming and just tried my best to catch him. But for a strange reason he just stopped in mid air. "Well, that doesn't usually happen every day." I walk off leaving Tidus behind, but then some people who seemed to hate him started beating him up. Then some fan girls ran over to help him and eventually glomped him. What he thought was 'Will someone PLEASESAVE ME FROM THE PSYCHOPATHS!'

* * *

Ironically, I was standing where Tidus was about to fall, I heard his screaming. Thinking evilly, I shouted "Stop!" making the whole area stop. I found Auron and placed him where Tidus was about to fall and then used esuna to release the area from stop. Tidus fell right on top of Auron, Auron growling with anger. I was just laughing my ass off at the event but was stopped when Auron came over and sliced me in half. 

Tidus "You've got some issues you know."

Auron "So what." cuts Tidus's head off.

Auron "Oops, now Jechts going to kill me, oh wait, I'm already dead. But what should I do now…" he was left there thinking until Sin (aka the now really pissed off Jecht) came and shot him with a melee of magic attacks and destroyed him.

* * *

After my gawp session and Tidus's gasp session, I noticed the sinspawn that were flying for us, readying myself, I found what seemed to be the dressphere, placed my hands in the claw gloves and touched the dressphere. White, purple and red light appeared around me, my body glowing; suddenly I had changed into… a pink rabbit outfit! 

Me "Hey, this isn't a battle outfit Fayth! Unless it's a mascot dressphere!" I could hear Tidus laughing his head off, Auron chuckling and even the sinspawn were somehow laughing at me in a strange way.

"You think this is funny? How would you all like OBLIVION!" The whole of dream Zanarkand was destroyed.

Fayth "I think I went a bit far…"

* * *

Auron 'Do not worry, just jump as normal and you'll be fine.' 

That was easy for him to say… err, I mean think, I was still wearing my heavy samurai gear. Well when it came, I just jumped and…

'I'm gonna make it! I'm gonna make it! I'm gonna… NOT MAKE IT! AAAAAAaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!' I didn't make it and died.

Auron "Well, we can carry on the story as normal now without strange people just coming to our world and demanding to be the new main character."

Tidus "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!"

* * *

'Do not worry, just jump as normal and you'll be fine.' That was easy for him to say… err, I mean think, I was still wearing my heavy samurai gear. Well when it came, I just jumped and… 'AAaaahhh!' I knew that I wasn't going to make so I grabbed hold of Tidus's leg. 

Tidus "Whoa!" he then grabbed onto Auron's trouser leg, who was about to land on the platform until this happened.

Auron "Oh crap!" he grabbed onto the ledge, with all of us hanging onto each other, but then because of Tidus holding onto his trouser leg, his trousers started to pull down (even if he was wearing that big belt).

Me "OH MY GOD!" my eyes grew triple in size.

Tidus "AAAHH!" he then let go and both me and Tidus fell into the water below.

Auron "I can't live any longer now that I've lost my dignity." He then let go and turned into pryeflies.

* * *

Yes, quite a bit of killing each otherin this chap. Hope you have all enjoyed it, PLEASE leave a review and I don't mind mild flames just not harsh ones. 


	3. Chapter 3

Authors Note: Yeah, I'm still stuck on 'A Forgotten Life' , so heres some more (hopefully) funny things.

Disclaimer: Nope! Don't own Final Fantasy or Squaresoft/Enix. If I did, then I would have made sure that there was a FFX-3 and FFXI on the PS2. But, I don't so it will probably never happen.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

As I turned the dressphere off, somehow, I thought 'Diving suit, Diving suit!' and what do you know… it didn't work! I was standing there wearing… a bikini! Me "AAAHHHH! So indecent and cold!"

* * *

I turned round and saw that Tidus was staring at me "You changed again! Also, your hairs different." After he said this I checked my reflection in the water that was all around us and saw that he was telling the truth. 

"What the fren! Its, its… BLOND!" I start to cry 'I LIKED MY BROWN HAIR!'

Tidus "You know, you look at lot nicer now." I turned around, an evil, angry glare on my face. I took out some scissors from my bag. Tidus "Wha-What are you going to do with them!"

Me "Say bye-bye to your hair!" I start cutting off all of his hair until he is left bald.

Tidus "MY BEAUTIFUL BLOND HAIR! GONE!" Runs/Swims away crying.

* * *

Not wanting to have to fall into the water I said "Tidus, you go first." 

Tidus just answered "No! You go first; I mean it is ladies first."

Me "No, I insist!"

Tidus "But I insist!"

Me "Tidus, I'll give you my gobstopper sweet if you go first."

Tidus "OK!" Tidus jumps straight into the water, somehow already knowing that the bridge would collapse, but had jumped straight into Geosagno the what's-its-name's mouth.

Geosagno the what's-its-name "Thanks for the snack! Allow, it's a bit too full of blondness."

Me: O.O

* * *

I dived in after him and tried to breathe the water 'Cough! Cough! I can't breathe!' dies from drowning. Geosagno fish thingy "FOOOOOOOOD!" Eats my dead body "Plaaugh!" spits it out "Tastes salty!" then goes after Tidus.

* * *

Problem is, the rocks still fell at the temple entrance. Noticing this, I shouted "Watch out!" But Tidus just stood there, looking dumbfounded, so, he got squashed by the falling rubble. "Oh well. Guess Yuna won't fall in love with him and won't get hurt when Sin is defeated. ON WITH THE JOURNEY!"

* * *

I started to walk away when I heard Tidus call "Hey, how come you know about this place and why are you bossing me around all the time!" 

I turned round and answered "Because I am…SORCERESS ULTIMECIA!"

Tidus "What's a sorceress?"

I groaned, "A powerful mage/witch that can easily destroy you!" Tidus runs away in fright of being destroyed, but finds Klikk/sword legs fiend and gets cut to shreds by it.

* * *

But being the big ego'd blond that he is, he replied with "I know I'm smart, no need to remind me." This made me roll my eyes 'Ugh, how did Auron put up with this cocky blond guy anyway!' 

Auron suddenly appeared out of nowhere "Easy, just threaten to cut off his hair and he'll stop being cocky." Both me and Tidus were like O.O "Where the hell did you just come from!"

Auron sweat dropped, "I was going to get a pizza." We just carried on staring.

"You were going to get PIZZA! While we froze and starved here in this dark temple, you got to go get PIZZA! Tidus lets get him!" We both start chasing Auron, me with my claws, Tidus with his sword. 'Guess Auron's thinking that he shouldn't have given Tidus that sword now!'

* * *

It was all silent until "I need food!" Tidus moaned, while his black hole stomach growled. I searched through my bag and found my gobstopper, starting to lick at it. Tidus started to stare at the gobstopper "Hey! Can I have some?" 

"Eeewww, like I want your germs on it!" I decided to try and fit it into my mouth to keep it safe from Tidus but ended up getting it painfully trapped and I choked to death.

Tidus "Actually, I don't think I want a gobstopper that kills."

* * *

"Uh…Ok." He took the gobstopper uneasily, thinking that it might bite him or something. 

"Now, stand still!" I readied myself and swung the sword at the gobstopper, but Tidus moved out of the way.

"Hey, stand still!" I shouted.

"Just don't kill me." I swung the sword again and…killed Tidus by cutting him in half even after what he said.

"OH CRAP! Now there's no main character, and Spira might be doomed to always have Sin…actually Spira might be better without him. Well, BYE Tidus!"

* * *

"This here is the famous main character, a dumb blond at times, bottomless stomach and…" I started to laugh hysterically at what I was seeing. "And it seems that he sucks his thumb when he sleeps!" 

Tidus then stood up, but seemed to be sleep walking, "Must…eat…brains!"

This started to scare me, "Uh, Tidus? Could you stop acting like a zombie?"

"BRAINS! GRRRAARRWWW!" he leaped for me and I jump out of the way, noticing his eyes were open, but were a grim grey colour.

"AAAAHHH! Tidus is a zombie!" I ran for the hills, which for some reason were Mt. Gagazet, "Uh, hi there!" I waved nervously at the ronso.

Ronso nearest to me, "Lets eat her!" all of the ronso charged towards me.

"That's it! I'm going to the moonflow where I'll be safe." Scenery changes to moonflow.

But I did not notice the shoopuf that was heading straight for me, so I got squashed like a pancake.

Homer Simpson (mysteriously appears) "Hmmmmm! Pancakes!" starts drooling.

* * *

"Whoa, deep stuff, but doesn't that mean you…" she had stopped talking, for some strange reason. 

"Hello?" I thought that there would be no response, until…

"You will die in seven days!" It was the girl out of the ring!

"I don't think so! How can you get to me when I'm in Spira, you idiot!" The ring girl started to do a strange growl, "I have my ways and now you have only 1 minute to live."

"Oooohh, I'm shaking. HAA HA HA HA HA, yeah right!" The ring girl suddenly appears in front of me, holding a scythe in her hands. "Now you're the grim reaper! Anyway, I'm going to kick your bu…" head gets sliced off.

"Now who's the idiot, idiot!" the ring girl shouted before laughing evilly as she disappeared.

Tidus "Hey, whys your head not on your body Taelea?"

* * *

Rikku ignored me and just whacked Tidus in the stomach. She was then coming towards me and I started to slightly panic, but had an idea "There's no need to do that to me, I can fall asleep easily. 1 sheep, 2 sheep, 3, sheeeep, Oooww! That hurt you know and you didn't knock me out" Rikku still tried to punch me in the stomach but like I said, it didn't work. The next thing she tried was hitting me with a frying pan (which came from out of nowhere), which did work, but left a bump on my head and made me lose some of my memory. Because of the memory loss, I had forgotten all about FFX and did not have a clue what the Al Bhed were saying, which in turn, got me killed.

* * *

Rikku ignored me and just whacked Tidus in the stomach. She was then coming towards me and I started to slightly panic, but had an idea "There's no need to do that to me, I can fall asleep easily. 1 sheep, 2 sheep, 3 sheep…" half an hour later, "98 sheep, 99 sheep, 100 sheep…" 3 hours later, "998 sheep, 999 sheep, 1000, sheeeep…zzz…zzz."

Rikku "FINALLY, SHE FELL ASLEEP!"

* * *

Yes totally random, crazy things...Please review! Just no flames!


	4. Chapter 4

Authors Note: Ok, so it may take me a bit longer to finish the next chapter. I am VVVVVVERY SORRY! I have been mainly working on 'Out of the game' (will now say O.o.t.G instead, for short), so…PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! I thank everyone who has reviewed this outtakes!

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy or Squaresoft/Enix. I wish I owned the characters, so that I could annoy some of them and…other stuff, but I DON'T! Also, I don't ownthe 'I am the scary dissembodied voice' line from a funny parody of Kingdom Hearts.

* * *

**Chapter 4**

Well, I guess it's time for plan 'Pain', but before I did it, I got my camcorder out to make sure that I didn't miss another priceless moment. "This is for all the people who hate Tidus and sorry Tidus fans." I had then kicked him in the weakest spot… you know, the one only men have. But for some strange reason, he only moaned slightly. "Um, why didn't he freak out in pain?"

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Jecht appears, saying "What, didn't you know that I had him neutered."

I stared in shock and disbelief, "Why did you do that… Actually, I probably don't wanna know!"

Jecht just shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know myself. I think I might have been drunk or something, my wife asked me to get the dog neutered, but instead I dragged Tidus to the vets."

Me O.O' "O K…" steps far away in case he is drunk, but also said "You had a dog?"

* * *

Well, I guess it's time for plan 'Pain', but before I did it, I got my camcorder out to make sure that I didn't miss another priceless moment. "This is for all the people who hate Tidus and sorry Tidus fans." I had then kicked him in the weakest spot… you know, the one only men have. Tidus started to do lots of beeping noises; you know the ones that they use if you swear, so he kept beeping about whilst hopping on one leg "BEEP! THIS BEEPING HURTS! BEEP, BEEP! BEEEEEEEEEEEEP!" Until the Al Bhed came and shot him for beeping like a broken machina.

* * *

"Yeah, he'll work." I didn't want to have to fight the tros/squid fiend and all the annoying piranha. 

"Both of you." Rikku said, sounding quite stern. I had to quickly think of an excuse to get out of work. Ping, idea.

"But I'm the master guardian, see, I have the sacred claws." All the Al Bhed gasped in astonishment at the news.

Rikku looked as if she wasn't having any of it though, "You're still going to have to work!"

I shook my head, "Nope!"

"Yes you are!" Rikku replied.

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!

"NO!"

"YES!"

This carried on until we decided to beat each other up. "WHOOOO! Cat fight!" We both looked at Tidus, glaring at him for him to either stay out of it and shut up or die. He immediately looked scared and decided to dive into the sea before we followed after him, ready to pound some sense into him.

* * *

I then realized that the Al Bhed were starting to crowd around me. 'Of course (mentally hitting my head), machina, guess I can take my headphones out.' They were all shocked when music suddenly came out of the machina. They didn't seem to like this because they shot at the PSP, smashing it into pieces. "HEY! Do you know how much that cost me! Well, I did get a discount…but it was still expensive! So who's going to pay for it?" For some strange reason they understood me and pushed Brother forward, who looked shocked and angry at them. 

"Alright, alright," he got what looked like a check book out, "How much was it and who should I write it out to?" I just stood there gob smacked. Brother was speaking English! And he had a check book?

* * *

Ten minutes had passed when the silence was interrupted by one of Tidus's famous moans "Hungry!" I started to lick at my gobstopper again, to torment Tidus. Tidus shouted angrily "Greedy!" I stuck my tongue out at this comment, although the gobstopper seemed to have glued itself to my tongue. 

"HUH!" I tried pulling it off but it just stayed there, hurting if I pulled it too hard. Tidus was laughing his ass off at my attempts to unglue the gobstopper.

"That's what you get for not sharing!" he shouted, still pointing and laughing at me.

"Bid yoo du dis!" I was trying to say did you do this, but with the gobstopper in the way, it came out like that.

"Yeah! I used super super super super super…" this carried on for ten minutes until he said super for the thousandth time, "super glue." But by this time the glue had amazingly warn off, freeing me from the gobstopper, "What the! How did it come off?"

"Must come off with saliva…anyway; let's talk about my revenge for you!" I grinned evilly at him and a flamethrower appearing in my right hand, brown hair dye in the other, "So which one will it be?"

"Uh duh um…" he looked between the two items, "The, uh, flamethrower?"

Me O.O "What? You want to be burnt rather than lose your blond hair colour?"

"MY BLOND HAIR IS ALL I'VE GOT!" Tidus runs away crying.

Me O.o "ok, definitely weird!"

* * *

Ten minutes had passed when the silence was interrupted by one of Tidus's famous moans "Hungry!" Then all of a sudden, "I am the scary disembodied voice! WOOOOOO!" 

Tidus is now looking absolutely frightened, crying "Mommy! I don't like the scary voice! It has no body!"

I just whacked him on the head, "Hello? It does have a body! Cause it's just some weirdo hiding behind that crate over there, using a microphone and the ships speakers!"

Tidus looked over there and saw something move before it said, "Do not pay any attention to the, uh…" We were both standing there, looking down at the person who was, DUN DUN DUN…Sarah?

"You really want to be in the story and come to Spira, don't ya!" I asked, staring down at the slightly embarrassed looking Sarah.

She sweat dropped, "Well, yeah! I want to see Seymour of course," An evil grin then formed on her face, "And to tease you about who you like! I could even make the other FFX characters tease you as well and you will never get another moments peace! MWU HA HA HAA!" I was now terrified at the thought of this.

Tidus beamed at her, "Who is it? Anyone I know?"

"Maybe, maybe not! If Abbie doesn't let me be in her story, then I will tell you. But if she does let me be in it, I will only give you a small clue." Sarah replied, still looking evilly at me.

"NOOOOOO! I just wanted a peaceful story…well, excluding all the usual fighting, drama and stuff like that, but…I just don't want you to be spying on me at certain moments in the story!"

Sarah "So that's a yes then!"

I slap my forehead, "UUHHH! Can't this wait till later!"

Sarah "Nope! I want the answer NOW!"

I scratch the back of my head and…run away.

* * *

To not offend her, I tried a bit. 'Wow this is grea… AAAHH! Hot, hot, hot! Need water!' 

My eyes were watering and flames came out of my mouth, literally!

"Holy Yevon! She's a fiend ya!" Wakka has now suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

"AAHHH! A Yevonite!" Rikku screamed, now attacking Wakka with her claw weapons.

Tidus just stares at the fight, -.- "I think I'll stay out of this…and keep away from Abigail or Taelea or whatever her real name is."

* * *

"Too spicy?" she giggled. At this moment Tidus starts choking on his own food. Me and Rikku just sit there and watch him choke on his food. He even thinks that we don't know that he's choking so he decides to try and tell us in charade form, mainly by pointing at his throat. 

"Do you have anything called popcorn on this ship?" I asked Rikku.

She beamed and grinned, "Sure do!" hands over a box of popcorn. Both eat popcorn and watch Tidus rolling around on the floor until he eventually died.

Me "Now how are we supposed to be entertained!"

* * *

"Taelea… what the!" I couldn't believe I had just done it again. 

"What's wrong?" Rikku asked, concerned.

I looked over to her and told her the answer "I don't know why I keep calling myself Taelea when I'm called Abigail. It's just automatically coming out of my mouth!"

"It's just the…" Rikku waited for a moment expecting something to happen, "ARGH! Where is Sin! He should be here by now for the sacrifices!"

Both me and Tidus stared in fright at the word 'sacrifice', "Um, you don't mean your gonna sacrifice us, do you?" I asked as calmly as I possibly could in that situation.

Rikku "Well that was the plan! But now it isn't even coming…" the boat then shook, "FINALLY! Well, gotta sacrifice you now to get a mansion for every Al Bhed!" Rikku exclaimed, before shoving both of us overboard and being swallowed by Sin.

Sin/Jecht "Thanks for the grub kid! But, uh… I LIED! See ya, looser!"

Rikku T.T "Great! Now I lost a hot guy and a mansion!"

* * *

After what seemed like half an hour, I had a strange dream. I was in the middle of what seemed like…my school? "Miss Abigail Horn! You have failed all your GCSEs!" A teacher from my school shouted right behind me, scaring the hell out of me. 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-" I cried out and carried on for another ten minutes until the dream ended, "OOO! Oh, it was only a dream. Now where am I?" seeing that my surrounding area looked like a corridor in an old house or even a mansion. 'It's quite. TOO quite!' I thought, before turning my head to see the door behind me creak open. It slowly revealed just an empty corridor, "Ok! This is really creeping me out now!" all of a sudden, a creature leapt out from the ceiling of the next corridor. I screamed before it dived at me and started to eat away at my flesh, with me dying from loss of blood (This is a zombie if you didn't know).

* * *

I might carry on a little bit more on outtakes for chapter 4…when more ideas pop into my head. Please review! Don't mind mild flames! 


	5. Chapter 4 part 2

Authors Note: Yes, I've decided to do yet another chap, filled with random andcraziness, which I hope you will all laugh at (and maybe laugh at me…). I would like to thank InuSesshfan and Shadow Bladesman for reviewing my last chap, YOU ARE GREAT! I hope you have a lucky day!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in the way of licenses of games, electrical items, movies, T.V. programs, music or ANYTHING like that! I only own this fanfic and myself in the fanfic.

* * *

**Chapter 4: Part 2**

After what seemed like half an hour, I had a strange dream. I was in the middle of what seemed like…just a plain ordinary, white room, that didn't seem dangerous or scary. I turned round to see if there was a door out of there but only saw the back of a big black, leather, comfy chair.

"Welcome." A voice came from the chair, probably from a person sitting on it. The chair turned and I was correct; someone was sitting there! But strangely, I couldn't believe that I didn't recognise their voice straight away; it was my friend Gillian, "I have come to prepare you for a challenge." She said, as if very serious about the matter, which can be an oddity with her, seeing as she's usually happy and giddy about stuff. She also seemed to be holding a fish, which I was guessing was the fish she had told me about that said "helloooooooo." And "Goooodbyeeeee."

"Ok! This is one crazy dream…Got, to, wake up!" I shouted, but nothing happened.

"You cannot wake up until you are prepared for the challenge, so…answer the fish's question!" She yelled, slightly like a maniac, scaring me.

The fish looked at me, "This is my question…what would you do or say if a…giant marshmallow appeared now?"

O.o I frowned at the question, "Um, I don't know."

"Well, here's your challenge…defeat the giant marshmallow!" and right after she said that, a giant marshmallow soon appeared afterwards, landing in front of me.

I stared at it for a moment before…taking out a flamethrower, "Your toast!" firing off a line of burning flames right at giant sweet. I had thought it was beaten until it regenerated itself and then…created a sort of sand worm mouth and swallowed me whole.

The person who looked like Gillian had then shouted afterwards "Wrong! The right answer to the challenge was 'Ooh! Marshmallow!' not fighting it!"

* * *

I had then noticed Tidus was still floating unconsciously "Yo! Wake up!" he didn't stir as I shouted this "Um… are you okay?" He didn't seem to wake up. "I SAID WAKE UP!" still it didn't work. "Right, that's it! Now, where are they…" I looked in my bag for something that I knew would wake him up, "Here we are!" I now had a pair of scissors in my hand and snipped the air a couple of times.

Tidus had now suddenly risen from his dead state to splash out of the water and run straight for shore "DON'T CUT MY HAIR!" but had then run straight into the oncoming blitzball, which had accidentally, snapped his head backwards.

I looked to see what Wakka's expression was, but saw a maniac grin, covering his face, "Booyah! Another blond Al Bhed bites da dust, ya!" he bawled.

-.- 'Thank god I haven't got blond hair!'

* * *

Tidus suddenly came to life, splashing about in surprise "Wah! Where are we?"

"I think we're in the Bermuda triangle, because of Wakka's hairstyle." I answered him.

He looked to where I pointed and saw Wakka's orange tower of hair, "Your right, it is weird, but…what's a Bermuda triangle? I was never good with maths." Luckily Wakka's blitzball had just hit him in time before I went mental at Tidus's stupid question. But what was not so lucky, was the fact a second blitzball had hit me square in the face.

"That's what ya get when you diss the hair, ya heathens!" Wakka shouted angrily, before getting a comb out of nowhere and brushing up his tower of hair.

* * *

I had put up with quite a bit, but this really peeved me off "Right! Pay back!" Angry, I threw the ball in the air and kicked it at the attacker…only to have it miss and…come straight back for me, "Oh…CRED!" before being knocked out.

"Oooh! That's gonna leave a mark in the morning." Tidus mumbled to himself and dragging me to the shore.

* * *

"Wake up!" I shouted, as I shook him to try and wake him up. Still nothing.

A red headed man ran over to me "Whoa! This looks serious, ya! He needs mouth to mouth, ya!"

I had then started to walk away, "Well, Cya and good luck to reviving him!" and then ran for it, so that Wakka couldn't call for me.

"What! You gotta be kidding me ya!" he then looked at his team mates, "Um, could one of you do this?" he asked desperately. All of them had then followed my example and fled for the hills.

He stared at them as they ran and then looked back at Tidus, "Yevon help me!" and as if to the rescue, Yuna had appeared "Don't worry Wakka! I'll do it!" and she then grabbed Tidus by the collar, pulling him into a tight kiss, rather than mouth to mouth.

Tidus had then woke up and just snogged her back.

Wakka sweat dropped, "Well, that was unexpected!"

* * *

"Wake up!" I shouted, as I shook him to try and wake him up. Still nothing.

A red headed man ran over to me "Whoa! This looks serious, ya! He needs mouth to mouth, ya!"

Before I could even complain, one of my friends(not saying their name just in case)had come rushing out of no where and was heading straight towards us, "LET ME DO IT! LET ME DO IT!"

But Tidus had woken up from this, "WAAAA! NO YOU WON'T! NO YOU WON'T!" running away to only be chased by her.

"Friend of yours?" Wakka had asked.

I sweat dropped, "Yes, I'm afraid so."

We then headed to the village to have something to eat, whilst Tidus got chased until 12am, when his energy left him and was caught up by my friend, "Your mine now!"

* * *

RH man, which I now noticed was Wakka, decided to do the prayer "Praise be to Yevon. I'm sorry about that, ya. I didn't know you were in the sea, so I didn't mean ta hit ya unconscious."

We both glared at him, "SURE you didn't!" I said, sarcastically.

Then Tidus continued, "Yeah, you just so happened to not have good eyesight as to see two people standing in the sea, right in front of you!"

Wakka had then scratched the back of his head, "Well, I gotta admit to ya…out of water, I'm half blind."

"So that's why you think Tidus looks like Chappu, you can't see!" I exclaimed, in a realization way.

"Have you even tried some eye drops?" Tidus asked.

Wakka had then hit his forehead, "I knew Lu had said something about using eye drops after that battle with the fiend!"

Me and Tidus groaned at his stupidity, 'Even Tidus isn't as stupid as Wakka!'

* * *

"Taelea, I mean Abigail, ARGH!" I had done it, again!

Tidus tried to whisper in Wakka's ear "Don't mind her, she's just en evil looney."

I then laughed evilly…for no apparent reason; I just felt that it was a good time to.

They both stepped away from me, "You weren't kidding, were ya?" Wakka whispered back to Tidus.

"Actually, I was kidding, but now," he turned back to see me sharpen my weapon claws on a grinder which had appeared out of nowhere, "I realise she is a maniac…LETS RUN!" so both of them run away, while I chased after them with my claws, "HEEEERES, ABI!"

* * *

Tidus ran and hid behind Wakka, fear all over his face. "Hey! Is that… fear I can smell?" which I had said out loud.

"AAHHH! My roast must be burning!" Wakka cried out, running towards a cooker that was totally out of place, with it being on a beach.

O.O was mine and Tidus's expressions, before sneaking away from the weird Wakka.

* * *

I spoke up at this point, making sure Tidus didn't say anything stupid that would endanger our lives "Um, we'll go with no. 2."

Wakka had then twirled round fast, to suddenly change into…an overly glittery, orange suit, "Lulu! Show what these contestants have won by opening…DOOOOOOR NUMBER TWOOOOOO!" he said, in a strong game show host sort of accent.

Lulu and a giant, garage type door appeared, with Lulu wearing a, also overly glittery, purple dress. She didn't look to happy with the fashion, like Wakka, but just pulled a rope to open the door with a big number 2 on it.

"Well, well, well! It seems that you have won a quad bike each, a life time supply of blond-forever hair dye, Tidus, a shopping spree in any type of shop each, your own mini blitzball stadium, Tidus, and a character of your own choice from this game to be…your husband, Abigail!"

We both dove for our prizes, not caring whether this was really weird or not.

* * *

Wakka didn't seem too pleased when he came back up from the water "Hey! You can't do that!"

"Oh yes I can! Also, I can do this!" I had then pushed the unsuspecting Tidus off the cliff as well. But I didn't stop there, "And I can do this!" I started to throw down various pieces of furniture.

Both of them swam in different directions, dodging the strange, yet heavy and dangerous objects that I threw at them, only stopping when I had seemed to stop for a break, "She's thrown everything at us, but the kitchen sink at us!" Tidus exclaimed, having being hit by a bowling ball, a table lamp and a mini fridge.

But he was then stood corrected, as I tossed a sickly green kitchen sink at him; also, it was a proper kitchen sink, with 2 drains and a draining area. It landed right on him, sinking him for a moment and then rising back up again, looking unconscious and having x's for eyes.

Wakka had then sweat dropped, "Yeah, but at least she hasn't thrown a chocobo at us." But in the same way, was stood corrected.

"MWU HA HA HA HAA! I like torturing characters!" I bellowed, before heading along the path to have a rest at the village.

* * *

But I had just remembered a flaw in my plan, AS I was falling 'Crap! Need to change out of samurai gear to be able to swim.' I changed out of the samurai gear using the dressphere again, changing into a…suit of heavy, metal armour, "CRAP! That's not good!" ending up sunk at the bottom of the lake and eaten up by 'not' so friendly fish.

* * *

Suddenly, out of no where, the Jaws tune starts playing.

'Wait! Why's that tune playing?... Better swim faster.' The tune was speeding up as well, my heart rate climbing also 'Vilg! (Al Bhed swear word, F) Swim away! Swim away!' The tune came to its climax…Jaws appeared and swallowed me whole.

Tidus and Wakka had then swam over and Tidus begun to stroke the side of the giant shark, "That's a good maniac killer! Aren't you! Aren't you!" with the shark panting like a dog and licking Tidus's face.

"Hey, where can I find one of those? I want one for blitzball training!" Wakka asked excitedly.

Tidus then answered "You can buy one at your nearest 'Dangerous Buy now and you can get a free fish scented air freshener!"

* * *

Yes, it would seem that I was on a 'random' hype, rather than a sugar hype. Hope you all enjoy it! Mild flamers are allowed, just NO harsh ones! Me like GOOD reviews and funny ones, especially those that have funny torture suggestions...Well, anyway, Cya! 


	6. Chapter 5

Authors note: Ok, since I'm kinda banned from a certain game on computer, I decided to type up another chapter of AFL outtakes. Yes I know its been ages since I've put ANYTHING up on Fanfiction, but I have had problems getting back into a story typing mood and have to concentrate mainly on my Mock GCSEs and coursework…so I am very sorry. I have also typed this up as a way to try to mostly forget something that's happened over a weekend and cheer myself up. I'm also sorry but do not get your hopes up for anything else for a while…maybe…

Disclaimer: Still I don't own the wealthy Squaresoft/Enix company, Final Fantasy or any of its characters. If I did I would not be so depressed from said weekend thing. I don't own any companies, games, movies or TV shows!

* * *

**Chapter 5; part 1 **

After more chuckles from the two blitzball players, we eventually met up with the nuisances, Gatta and Luzzo. Before they said anything (or before we said anything) they started to do a salute. I recognized that salute straight away 'What the fren! That's smeg head, Rimmer's salute!' O.O

But after a second attempt at the salute, they had knocked themselves out.

"Um, do they always do that?" Tidus asked starting to poke one of them with a stick.

Wakka sighed "Yep, it's another tradition to remember the past fallen crusaders."

"Right…well I still think it's a dangerous salute, so…lets just go to the village now!" the other two agreeing and left Luzzo and Gatta to be eaten by local coyotes.

"Remember kids; don't do a Rimmer salute unless you are a professional Rimmer." I said, as if saying this to an audience.

Wakka looked over at Tidus, "I'm really starting to believe your idea that shes a looney and maybe her not being the master guardian at all."

"Agreed…but what's a master guardian?" Tidus asked dumbly; whilst Wakka sweat dropped and walked off to the village.

"Hey you didn't answer my question!" Tidus called before mysteriously getting killed (looks around with shifty eyes).

* * *

As I walked towards the village though, I noticed that they were following me "Yo, stop stalking me!" I shouted, trying to scare them off. 

Luzzo just pointed in astonishment at me "But…we are the perverted crusaders and so we must touch the ass of every new comer to Besaid Island. It's in strict Crusader law." He said.

My draw dropped, "WHAT! I DON'T THINK SO!" and slapped both of their faces, with a finishing blow to their private parts.

Wakka stared in disbelief, "I can't believe you just did that ya! Defiling their own set of rules!"

Tidus was grinning to himself, "hey, is there anyway I can become a perverted Crusader?"

Wakka pointed over to a queue full of men that looked a mile long, "Just stand in line and fill in the sheet at the table where the line leads to."

Tidus had already joined the queue, whilst holding a sleeping bag in one hand and a bag full of junk food in the other.

I sweat dropped "Why do males have to be such perverts…"

* * *

As I walked towards the village though, I noticed that they were following me "Yo, stop stalking me!" I shouted, trying to scare them off. 

Luzzo just pointed in astonishment at my bag "But, you have the sacred claws in your bag. That means you're the… master guardian!"

I rolled my eyes, "No, it means I stole them from the master guardian and wish to sell it for lots of gill…HELLO, OF COURSE IM THE MASTER GUARDIAN!" I shouted sarcastically.

The two crusaders looked at each other and Wakka looked absolutely shocked. Luzzo and Gatta now looked seriously at me, "We have no other choice but to take back the master guardian's weapons and deliver them back to the master guardian." Gatta said.

The two of them had started to walk towards, "Hey! Couldn't you tell I was being sarcastic? I really am the master guardian!" stepping back away from them.

"I can't believe you tried to impersonate the great master guardian…YOU MUST BE BURNT TO THE STAKE, YA!" Wakka called out, with a flaming torch in his hand suddenly.

I looked between the three of them and forced myself to think of a solution, "But…he made me take them!" I shouted, pointing towards Tidus.

"Then we shall burn him!" Wakka bellowed.

"Uh oh!" Tidus quickly said before running off for the hills again whilst being chased by a mob carrying pitchforks and flaming torches.

"Ok…now what do I do?" I asked myself before looking for something to do.

* * *

I was finally left alone, sitting under a shady tree "Neeeed… sugar!" I guess it was… 'Gobstopper to the rescue!' time…or so I thought, "NOOOOO! Where's my gobstopper gone!" I then started to search through the whole of my bag for it. I soon started to rush everywhere, looking high and low for it, even in the chamber of the fayth. 

"I miss my jaw breaker…" and I start to cry.

In some other secret area: "Yes! I have the great, almighty gobstopper! Now I will feast on its delicious sugary delights!" A blond headed, starving, blitzer exclaimed as they bit into the gobstopper…but had forgotten the second name for said sweet…Jawbreaker.

Immediately, his teeth broke in a millisecond, "Nooooo! My perfect white teeth! Curse this gobstopper!" he threw said gobstopper at the floor, but it was made of rock and had bounced back to hit Tidus squarely in the forehead, knocking him out cold.

"Mwu ha haa! My slow but deadly plan is going well. Soon I will have made everyone either a crying wreck or knocked out toothless as I, THE SUPER GOBSTOPPER OF DOOM (!) shall take over this world! MWU HA HA HAAAAA!"

Wakka had stepped into the secret area, which was a cave and quickly decided to slowly walk back out to get some medication for what he had seen.

* * *

"Why didn't you tell me you were the master guardian?! I am sooooo sorry for before your ladyship, please… forgive me!" Wakka actually got on his hands and knees when he asked to be forgiven. 

I thought about this and came up with an idea "Only if you start to act like a chicken… chocobo."

My request was fulfilled…but to a more exact quality, "Kweh! Kweh! Kwe-Kweh! Kweeeh!" Wakka squawked whilst…cleaning at his feathers?

"What the heck happened to him!" Tidus called out, gawping at Wakka's transformation into a real chocobo…except it still carried the orange hair….feather trait.

I sweat dropped, "I'm guessing he really wanted to be forgiven," But I had then had a stroke of genius, "well anyway, at least we got fast transportation to get to places on the journey!"

"Yay! No more walking! But…what is our journey?" Tidus asked whilst scratching the back of his head.

I just sighed "Never mind, just look after chocobo Wakka, ok Tidus?"

Tidus nodded his head and went to feed the new chocobo guardian.

* * *

Wakka then decided to try and help by saying "Why don't ya head for the temple over ther…" 

"I already know where it is, no need to worry." I interrupted Wakka's directions.

But after both me and Tidus turned to run off to the temple, something had hit the back of both of our heads…something round and blue.

"Hah! That's what you get for not letting me tell you where everything is! I AM the best tour guide of Besaid EVER!" Wakka exclaimed at our two unconscious bodies.

* * *

Wakka then decided to try and help by saying "Why don't ya head for the temple over ther…" 

"I already know where it is, no need to worry." I interrupted Wakka's directions.

Five hours later: "I'm hungry still…I thought you knew where the temple was?" Tidus moaned, when the next second he collapsed to the floor.

"I'm sure it wasn't this far off in the game…I mean, I even saw it in the village, but now…HOW THE HECK DID WE GET TO KILIKA!" I screamed, about to rip my hair out.

* * *

Me and Tidus started to run off, heading for the temple while leaving Wakka behind. We finally got to the doors and entered the dark and, sort of, gloomy temple. 

Play Makou Reactor, FFVII

"What the fren? NOW HOW DID WE GET INTO A MAKO REACTOR!" I screamed…again, banging my head on a nearby wall.

"What the? This never used to be here!" Wakka shouted, looking in disgrace at all the machina/machines.

Tidus had then started to point towards somewhere, "Um, who are those guys?" he asked, as if everything was still at least semi-normal.

I stopped myself just before I got a headache and followed in the direction, "What!" I shouted, staring at who the people were.

"Hey, could you guys give us a hand with this? Somebody (!) can't seem to press the unlock button at the same time as us!" it had been Tifa saying this and she was glaring at someone who was easily recognised as Cloud.

"Its not my fault, I'm just an ex-SOLDIER, not a puzzle solver." Cloud had argued back.

I sighed "Fine, maybe then we can get back to the temple."

Tidus had started to chat to Cloud about who had the blonder hair…Tidus knew he would get beaten with who would have the crazier hairstyle.

* * *

I decided to first check one of the rooms at the side of the staircase, to see if there was anybody who could answer my questions. As I walked in, I saw someone, but got a surprise at who the 'someone' was "Whoa! …Yoda? What the fren?" I said, looking in confusion at the short green jedi. 

"Yoda, I am. Answers, you seek." He said.

I raised an eyebrow "Right…I think I'll go back to the right place now, namely 'Besaid temple set'…bye!" I quickly said before going back to the doorway.

"Hmph! Fan of Star Wars, you aren't!" Yoda grumbled.

* * *

The door to the room at that point started to talk, "I'm the left side door of Besaid Island temple door! You should really know that by now! I am SO offended now!" 

Both of us stared in disbelief (O.O).

"Did that…door just…talk?" I asked, my brain destroying itself at this phenomenon.

"OF COURSE I TALKED! BUT SINCE YOUR SO RUDE, YOU SHALL NOW DIE!" the door screeched back before shooting millions of splinters at the both of us.

"How do you like it now, you non wooden beings!" the door shouted before suddenly burning up in flames and turning into ashes.

Wakka was stood there with flaming torch in his hand "I always hated that door…"

* * *

"Can… can I have your autograph?!" Lulu asked me, somewhat nervous like. 

This scared me 'Whoa! That was unexpected!'

The next moment, a whole hoard of people rushed through the door, trampling over Wakka, "Help…ya…"

"WE WANT YOUR AUTOGRAPH TOO!" the new mob of people shouted in a chorus.

"Um…ok?" I merely said but caused them all to scream and rush over to me, "AHHHH! NOOO! NOT ALL AT ONCE!" yet it was too late. I now suffered the same fate as Wakka and had been flattened to a pancake with footprints in it.

"NO! NOW NONE OF US CAN GET AN AUTOGRAPH! YOU FOLLS SHALL DIE!" Lulu yelled, before sending a blast of lightning at the mob, to burn them to a crisp.

Random crowd person 34 "I think…I'm still alive…" Lulu soon took care of him though with a demi….even though she shouldn't have that spell yet.

* * *

I handed the autograph to Lulu "Thank you!" she giggled slightly like a school girl. 'What the heck! Has someone replaced Lulu, cause this is not her!' 

The next moment, Lulu seemed to have sparks coming out of the sides of her head and then her head sped round 360 degrees…five times! This was until she exploded into many mechanical parts.

"Um…" not able to say anything else at the sight.

"AHHHH! LU'S A MACHINA! NO!" Wakka cried out, to then run into the wall with his shock.

A random scientist guy had then run into the room, "I guess my Lulu version2 was unsuccessful, I guess I'll have to bring back the original," he then picked up what was left of the robotic Lulu's head, "my poor baby…blown to smithereens…"

I raised an eyebrow to this, "Ok, you don't see that everyday…"

* * *

I suddenly had a vision thing, but it was all dark, I could only hear the familiar girls' voice, which sounded a bit older "NO!...You made me drop my ice-cream!" 

'Huh?' I just thought and soon saw my past self now beating up a random person, with what seemed to be the remains of the ice-cream on the floor.

'So…what does this have to do with a promise' I thought whilst I sweat dropped.

* * *

**

* * *

**Ok, if you had not noticed, I was kind of sleepy when I finished this off (reason for some of the more crazy outtakes) and decided to make it yet again another two part lot of outtakes for one chapter. So hopefully I'll get the next half of outtakes for Chapter 5 of AFL soon, as I have the ideas, hopefully the time and hopefully the computer still to type them up with. Please review nicely! n.n NO FLAMERS! Unless you want a death wish n.n. 


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